I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
