Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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