Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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