I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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