Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
