you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
