new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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