do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
