i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
