Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
