I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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