There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
