Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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