I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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