After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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