She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
