It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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