you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I FOUND THE LEGS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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