I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
