it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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