you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
