I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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