We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
