I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
