You really coming over, don't trick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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