They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
