All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
