I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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