I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
