Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
