I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
