somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
