A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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