she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
