I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
