smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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