i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
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It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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