Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
