It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
