I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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