they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
