i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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