I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
