Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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