Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
