I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
