u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
