I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
