I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
