I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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