I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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