my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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