K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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