I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
