you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
