Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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