Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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