There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
