I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I AM VODKA MAN
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
