batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
