My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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