shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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