Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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