I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
