I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
